A Guide to Self-Reflection in Parenting
Category: Parenting Tips
October 11, 2024
We All Parent
Parenting is a journey. There are so many things that influence how we parent: our own upbringing, our kids’ personalities and behaviors, our own daily challenges, and so much more.
Parenting is not static. It changes, evolves, has ups and downs… just like YOU (and your kids!). Parenting is about learning and growing along the way. This is a great article that talks about the word “parent” as a verb: something we do, and not a noun: something we are.
“Somewhere along the way… We conjugated ourselves into another fun false binary: those who are parents and those who aren’t. In fact, there are no non-parents, because parent is a verb... Anyone can parent, and in fact, everyone does.”
With that in mind, reflecting on parenting is not just for moms and dads but rather anyone who works with children.
For those of us raising small children in our home, the daily parenting we do can be a whirlwind! One of the best ways to help your child grow, learn and have healthy relationships is by reflecting on your own experiences and the way you parent.
Reflection for Growth and Improvement
Self-reflection is an ongoing exercise that enhances family dynamics and fosters deeper connections with children and partners. It encourages us to embrace change and stability, accepting the valuable parts of our upbringing while being open to new methods and ideas.1
Kids need adults who are well-regulated, present and mindful. Working on how you parent can feel like another chore to add to your already full plate! But once you start seeing the benefits, it’ll feel worth it. You can do this in little moments throughout the day.
Data shows that time spent reflecting on your performance can be more beneficial than spending additional time practicing that task. This is true for musicians, office workers, and of course parents (we get plenty of practice parenting all day anyway!)2
Self-Reflection for Parenting
We do many of these exercises in our Any Baby Can programs. You can also download this worksheet that has some guiding questions for you. Reach out if you’d like a partner in this process!
Here are some practical ways to do it:
Daily check-ins
- As you get ready for the day, take a few moments to think about your goals for the day as a parent.
- Consider any challenges in the day ahead and how the day may go. Are your kids facing any new stress at school or at home? Are you worried about anything new at work, financially, with your health or your child’s health? Give yourself extra patience if needed.
- As you commute to work or after the kids are in bed for the night, reflect on that morning or the day. What went well? It can be small! Did you get out the door on time? Did no one complain about breakfast? Did you take a breath before responding when your toddler threw her dinner on the floor? Recognize the small wins.
Journaling
- Write down your thoughts, feelings and experiences as a parent. This can help you identify patterns and areas for improvement.
- Use prompts like "What made me feel proud today?" or "What was a challenge I faced?" to guide your reflections. We have a whole guide of self-reflection questions you can use. Download it for free here.
Reflecting on your own upbringing
- A lot of how you parent stems from the way you were parented.
- Reflect on the qualities you see in your parents, and which ones you want to pass on to your children.
- Identify your own strengths as a parent, and where you feel most comfortable to excel.
Observing your child's behavior
- Pay attention to your child's behavior and look for any recurring patterns. This can help you understand what's working and what's not.
- Use the H.A.L.T acronym to consider unmet needs.
- Reflect on your responses. Consider how your own actions and reactions might be influencing your child's behavior.
Setting goals
- Identify areas for improvement. Determine what you want to work on as a parent, or just as an adult. Consider short-term goals for the week, and things like career and education goals you have for yourself.
- Monitor your progress and celebrate your successes!
- If you’re feeling distance between you and your child, think about your daily routine in a new way: as possible moments of connection.
Talking with a partner or friend
- Discuss your parenting experiences with someone you trust. They can offer a different viewpoint and provide support. Socializing has huge benefits to your mental health!
- Talking through challenges can also help you find solutions and feel less alone.
Seeking professional help
- A therapist or parent educator can provide guidance and support as you navigate the challenges of parenting.
- Parenting classes and workshops offer practical tips and strategies for effective parenting.
Parenting is About Growing and Learning!
Remember, reflection is an ongoing process. When parents reflect, it helps them reinforce desired behaviors, reduce unwanted behaviors, and bring in even more compassion to daily experiences (even when our patience is low!).4
Reflective parenting is a powerful tool for fostering healthy child development and strengthening family bonds. By investing in their own growth and seeking support, parents can create a positive and nurturing environment for their children.
Sources:
- Happy Minds Psychology. Mirror to the Past: Exploring how parenthood reflects our own upbringing. April 25, 2024
- The Powerful Role of Reflection in Activating Behavior Change. December 14, 2021.
- Looking Back at Your Childhood Could Change The Way You Parent — For The Better. February 16, 2023.
- Psychology Today. The Missing Piece for Many Parents: Time to Reflect. February 14, 2017.
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